I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
then he tried to convert me to islam
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
