Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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