i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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