Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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