Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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