You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Its about making memories worth repressing
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
