wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
