I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Acid is not a monday night drug
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
