Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM