Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
