Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.