I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
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Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
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Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.