and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
