I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
