I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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