FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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