i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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