Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
