i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
