I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
