after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
