Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
