Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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