So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
