I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
