Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
