I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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