4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
