just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
