It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
jump out the window naked night went bad
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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