I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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