It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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