I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
