I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
