need another drink. this is the easiest way
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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