sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
