Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
