I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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