Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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