Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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