oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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