I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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