Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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