Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
