I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
