Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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