you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
