Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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