dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
