I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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