the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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