I got chris browned last night
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
