just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
