just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
