is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
