my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
