I should be sponsored by Trojan
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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