the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
