There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
