I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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