if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He kissed a someone with a penis
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Help. Why am I so naked?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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