see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just want nice things and good sex
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
