I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
someone owes me an orgasm
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He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
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They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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