my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This baby is an asshole
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize