i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
