Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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