I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
