lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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