It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Im part way to drunk.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
