god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
