If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
