I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
