Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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