so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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