There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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