Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
