he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
