Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
